Listening! And all I hear is...

What do you do when you feel like you have learned a lesson, you put it to practice and do not get the results you expect? 

Before taking the break, God had allowed me to notice the importance about listening. Hence the post, "Just Listen!".  After a month from learning that lesson my husband and I decided to take a moment of break to focus on prayer, and I decided that I wanted to simply "listen". I prayed and worshipped but I took the time to quiet myself and pay attention to what He is showing me not only through His word but also through life and how He answered prayers. 

Do you know those moments, late at night when you finally lay in bed completely still after a hectic day and you close your eyes to enjoy that moment of peaceful silence?  You simply stay there taking it all in before falling asleep, until your thoughts starts to barge in and you now have like a million thoughts that won't let you fall asleep. That became a reality for us during the break.  Everything is not super spiritual and easy or romantic as sometimes it may be portrayed. So, I just want to be transparent with you because I know that I'm not the only one who has been there or during the times we're living today are most likely feeling discouraged. Where we are praying, seeking for answers, seeking for a solution to a problem, solution to injustice and we are standing up for what is right and being quiet in the presence of God and yet there’s nothing but silence from God.

I remember those moments where there was complete silence from God but my thoughts were going a million miles per hour. I didn't know how to process my thoughts, I didn't know what to do with the way I was feeling and I didn't know who to talk to and be brutally honest with my feelings other than God and my husband. For me taking this break was going to be amazing. I thought I was going to read and His word will jump out speaking to me, guiding me to my next steps. That I was going to go into prayer and feel His presence like I never did before. Therefore, you can imagine how surprised I was when it didn’t go as I had planned.

As I sit here in my bed writing this post it made me think about the times that God kept silence for Job in the moment that he mostly needed Him. Job after losing everything, his children & his livestock, gets to a moment where he talks about his anguish and at one point says, "I cry for your help and you do not answer me; I stand and you only look at me." (Job 30:20) How many of us can relate to feeling like this?  I want to say that this was exactly how I felt and even during these couple of days it’s how I’ve been feeling. And it wasn't that I was going through anything so horrible like Job back then but I was yearning to “hear” His voice. Today, I’m not only yearning to “hear” His voice but am mostly yearning to see justice, yearning to see a difference. Where people are not only upset and vocal about the riots and looting but are more vocal and outraged about a person being executed because of the color of their skin. 

Silence at the most desperate times can be so overwhelming and frustrating. We tend to want answers and to want them NOW. But if there's something I learned was that there is hidden beauty in the times of silence. In silence, you get to pay attention to what's in your heart, whether is hurt, trust issues, or even pride. In silence you get to remember things that you have forgotten due to the noise of everyday life. In silence I ended up seeing things in my heart that I needed to work on and remembered of past promises that He had given us and we had put them aside. So, it was in His silence that I realized it was time for me to act. 

There are moments in which we need to learn to be quiet and just “listen” to God. But if you find yourself trying to listen to Him and He is quiet then take a step back and try to see what is front of your eyes that God wants you to take notice. What exactly are those million thoughts running through your mind? When you take a step back from being overwhelmed you will see the things you need to work on, you will see that He stood quiet because He had already spoken to you about it while you were too busy interrupting Him. You will see that now it's up to you if you move forward trusting the word, He had given you before He got quiet.

Today, we might find ourselves asking God why is He being silent? Why is our prayers not being answered NOW? Why are we standing and He’s only looking at us? First, I want to tell you don’t beat yourself up for having those questions or feeling that way, Job felt the pain, he was in anguish and did the same. Second, I want to encourage you and tell you that God didn’t leave Job in that anguish. Job had moments of fighting or struggling with God but stood faithful to God and didn’t turn away from Him and at the end we see a God that restored Job’s life. That is the God I believe in and I’m deciding to hold on to, a God that restores brokenness.  As I hope to encourage you and tell you to take heart believe me when I say that I’m saying this to myself. 

With all that being said, I pray you all stay safe but that you seek to find the steps you need to take to make a difference and to walk towards God’s purpose for your life.