The Season of Waiting

As I thought about Valentines and my previous post I thought about the struggle of the wait. The thoughts, the doubts, the fear that as a single person we go through when we are in the season of waiting. Now, I know what you might be thinking, "Girl, you're 28, married and have two boys what do you have to say about single life?" Well actually a couple of things. I was single (not even dating) until I was 18 and had my first boyfriend, got cheated on, and was single for a little while until I got into a relationship with a young man who is now my husband.

 I remember always feeling sad around Valentines because it was a day dedicated to show your love for someone and yet I had no one to share it with that wasn't my mother and grandma. I wasn't allowed to go out by myself so I couldn't even try to hang out with other single friends for that matter. I would put on this face that it was all good and I was happy. Saying that I had no rush because boys were just too ignorant but inside of me I was actually desperate for it to be my time. Let's be honest, what teenage girl in high school doesn't want to feel loved and cared for by a boy? What teenage girl wants to be the only one without a boyfriend? But I survived and went through high school without a boyfriend, although I was full of insecurities.

It was the constant battle in my mind wondering many times if anything was wrong with me. Am I not smart enough? Can't be, I'm a straight A student. Am I not funny enough? That could be. Am I too shy? I am shy but I'm super chill in the hallways with my friends. Am I not pretty enough? Maybe. That might be it! Until, I started to notice that the boys who were interested in me was only based on how I looked and not so much for who I was. So, I took pride in dressing provocative and not giving them a day or time. Thinking: ugh, how ridiculous they are seeking me for my body. But, being truly honest with myself how blind was I for using that to get some attention so that I wouldn't feel so lonely?

I didn't really know God then so I was just a unhappy girl who was in love with the idea of love but with no one to love or be loved by. Until I finally was single no more and thought I finally found the one, who messed up once before but I decided to give a second chance and now it was official. I no longer was single until almost 2 years into the relationship he cheats on me.

That's it! I'm the problem!
Something is definitely wrong with me. What do I need to fix in myself? Who do I need to become? All I did was love him and it wasn't enough. Does that mean I'm not enough? Does it mean I'll never find love or get married?! Now, these were the things I battled with in my head as a single person again. I was still young, about 20 years old actually, but all I ever wanted to be was in love and get married. 

Yet, this time around things were different. This time I wasn't alone with my doubts, fears and insecurities. You see, now I was growing in my relationship with God and I was able to simply pray and tell God about those doubts and fears. He gave me peace in knowing that although I wasn't perfect I didn't quite needed to change myself. At least, not the way I was thinking anyways. But instead, the things that needed to change were out of my capabilities and that the only thing I could do was devote myself to Him. There were things He had to work with me, starting with my perspective of being single and my season of waiting.    

By now, I know you must be wondering so how did you dealt with the wait? This is how.

Honestly, feeling content with being a single person and seeing it as a gift rather than a curse makes the wait better. Gift? Yes! Paul actually says "God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others." (1 Cor. 7:7) Once accepted and seen as a gift your entire perspective will change. It starts to no longer be something you dread, you will notice that the questions won't bother you. You know, those dreadful questions people tend to ask you like: so when are you getting a boyfriend? Or Is there any one in the picture yet or that you got your eye on? (as they wink after the question) Nope! But it's a good thing, I'm actually happy. That ended up being my answer and for once I wasn't lying. I had learned to just trust God and see singleness as a good thing.

I actually remember two different nights of prayer. One night I prayed God if it's your will for me to live a single life, to never marry, I'm okay with that because you are more than enough for me. Many months after that I realized I was liking this guy who became my best friend (and 3 years later my husband) and I went to prayer and prayed "Lord if he is not meant to be my husband take these feeling away, I'm okay with waiting for my husband." Both prayers birthed out of a place in which I was content, where I had truly embraced God's gift of singleness to me. Now, this didn't just happened in a blink of an eye where I prayed and that was it I'm happy with being single. Instead it happened as I focused in my relationship with God, as I prayed, as I read the bible more.

Leading me to this: take this time to dive deeper into God. Relationships are meant to weave two individual people into one, and to be honest it takes work and time. So the time of being single is the perfect time to devote yourself into your relationship with God. Let Him mold you and chisel away those things that are impossible for you to change in yourself. Because, it will be a little harder when it's two of you instead of just you. Being single is the perfect time to fully dedicate yourself in your walk with Christ. Although, I'm not saying that you can't dedicate yourself in your walk with Christ when you're married but your time does get divided into more things when in a relationship. Think about it when single you have free time that you can read and pray and volunteer. When in a relationship that free time now needs to divide itself into reading, praying, volunteering, going on a date, talking on the phone, matching both schedules etc. Paul actually talks about that in 1 Cor. 7:32-34.

Finally, know that there's no need to rush! God has this way with time in which we always think it's late but it's actually right on time. So, I realized that there's no need to rush. "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." (Eccl. 3:1) Don't worry about your biological clock. Sarah was 90 years old when she got pregnant and Abraham was 100, so if you ask me, you got quite some time. Rushing into relationships with the hope of it being the "one" that will last until death do you guys apart won't benefit you nor the other person. Needless to say, it might end up being a stressful and painful experience as well. There's things that God wants to handle with you alone before putting some one else to join you in your journey and you in theirs. I wish I understood this before my first relationship, it would have avoided a lot of things.

Understand this, being in a relationship is great, I truly love it, but being single is just as great! Enjoy it and be wise about it, whether it's a season in your life or your lifetime. I'll finish this lengthy post with a quote from an article written by Sam Allberry:

"It means singleness, like marriage, has a unique way of testifying to the gospel of grace. Jesus said there will be no marriage in the new creation. In that respect we’ll be like the angels, neither marrying nor being given in marriage (Matt. 22:30). We will have the reality; we will no longer need the signpost. By foregoing marriage now, singleness is a way of both anticipating this reality and testifying to its goodness. It’s a way of saying this future reality is so certain that we can live according to it now. If marriage shows us the shape of the gospel, singleness shows us its sufficiency. It’s a way of declaring to a world obsessed with sexual and romantic intimacy that these things are not ultimate, and that in Christ we possess what is."